Thursday, February 28, 2008

GUEST POST: The Relationship Guide We've Been Waiting For

GUEST BLOGGER: Jacqueline Hudak, M.Ed., Ph.D. is a feminist family therapist who has been working with individuals, couples and families for over twenty years. On a more personal note, Jacqueline is the mother of Lauren, 16, and Vincent, 12 and together with her partner Sarah, they live in Atlantic Highlands NJ. When not thinking about relationships, Jacqueline is a devoted student of yoga, which, as she has said, teaches her to go forward with an open heart, and see the world in different ways. She's a popular teacher, speaker, and family therapy supervisor, and has lectured widely on a variety of topics that impact family life. Jacqueline is an Adjunct Faculty at Drexel University’s Programs in Couple and Family Therapy and is currently at work on two books: a memoir, and a compilation of stories from her years in practice. She is also a "graduate" of my Making It Pop: Translating Your Ideas for Trade seminar, and I'm SO EXCITED to read her books, and to share this guest post from her here! Here's Jacqueline. -GWP

Intimate Justice at Bluestockings NYC!

Intimate justice – doesn’t the sound of it just make you want some?

It was a beautiful scene on the evening of February 13th: a venerable old feminist bookstore, chock full of folks to celebrate the publication of Making Love Playing Power: Men, Women and the Rewards of Intimate Justice by my pal, Ken Dolan-DelVecchio. What an amazing book!

I was admittedly thrilled, but nervous, when upon our arrival at Bluestockings Ken asked me to introduce him. Given my heartfelt respect for this man and the work that we share, I of course, said ‘yes.’ I knew I could find the words, because in my mind, well, perhaps mostly in my heart, I knew how ready we are for a book like this, and how urgently it is needed.

This is because those of us who transgress the lines between doing ‘therapy’ and social justice work try to open our clients and families to new ways of seeing their lives. In my clinical work, I pursue the questions that might help someone see possibility where previously there was none. In this book, Ken provides a clear map of how gender, race, class and sexual orientation influence power in a relationship – and how the imbalance of power is at the root of most conflict. This dynamic is generally not talked about – even by supposed ‘experts’. Ken helps focus our understandings of how we are taught to be male or female, and what cost that exacts from relationships with those we love. This book enacts the revolutionary ideas that men are fully capable of deep intimacy and connection, and women, of empowerment and self-love.

With so many self help books on the market, it is so refreshing to find one that has a chapter entitled “What Patriarchy Teaches Men.” AND it is written by a man. I can only begin to imagine the ways in which sharing this book will enhance my clinical work with couples and families. The dominant psychology of our culture teaches us to look inside the person or relationship for “the problem.” Yet “the problem” is so often outside of the relationship – and the tricky thing is, we don’t talk about it. As a culture, we don’t acknowledge the ways in which the presence or absence of racism, poverty, gender privilege, or heterosexism (to name a few) shape and give meaning to our lives. Instead, we couch the struggles in pseudo-diagnostic terms: “communication problems”, “anger management,” “codependency.” We thus never get to talk about or take action against the structures that support these hierarchies of privilege and oppression within which all families live.

As the mother of an almost teenage boy, I am also deeply concerned about the ways in which he is taught by our culture to be a man. Can he stay the big-hearted, emotional and tender person I have known for 12 years? Must he become indoctrinated into the traditional world of masculinity? I know all of the rhetoric about how men have changed, but has the culture of masculinity? (that’s a whole other blog!) I see the extreme self reliance, the inability to ask for help or be viewed as dependent, in many “younger” men in my practice. I know Ken shares that concern for his son and share that in his dedication: “For your generation, may you know love more than domination and truth more than fear.”

Making Love Playing Power: Men, Women and the Rewards of Intimate Justice is the relationship guide we have been waiting for. Thank you, Ken, for opening so many possibilities to couples and families. Your clarity, dedication and tenderness shine through!

You can reach Jacqueline at jack4fta@comcast.net.

7 comments:

Wendy said...

Jackie this is impressive. Thank you for your piece.
As a mother of 3 sons, this book seems like required ready, for me and certainly for them!
How liberating for men and the women who want to be in relationships with them. Don't you think?
This seems like a very important book, I look forward to reading it. Thank you.

ashton said...

sounds like a great book, Jackie, and nice focus on the underlying issues. as the author of a book on women and divorce, i tell people that the fundamental point is not whether she's a wimp or he's a jerk (though either may be the case!), but that it's hard to have an egalitarian relationship in a culture that values men's and women's experiences so differently.

poston said...

There are ed hardy shirts
,pretty ed hardy shirt for men,

ed hardy womens in the ed hardy online store

designed by ed hardy ,
many cheap ed hardy shirt ,glasses,caps,trouers ed hardy shirts on sale ,

You can go to edhardyshirts.com to have a look ,you may find one of ed hardy clothing fit for you
Top qualitymen's jacket,
These cheap jacket are on sale now,you can find
north face jackets inmage on our web
Ralph Lauren Polo Shirtsbuberry polo shirts

Do you wannaghd hair straighteners for you own , we have many
cheap ghd hair straightenersin style and great,you can choose one from these
hair straighteners
Authentic chaussure puma
chaussure sport
And chaussure nike shoes
Come here to have a look of our Wholesale Jeans
Many fashionMens Jeans ,eye-catching
Womens Jeans ,and special out standing
Blue Jeans ,you can spend less money on our
Discount Jeans but gain really fine jeans, absolutely a great bargain.
http://www.weddingdressseason.com
 

http://CLOTHES-WHOLESALE.US

Daniela said...

Interesting post. I have been wondering about this issue,so thanks for posting. I’ll likely be coming back to your blog. Keep up great writing. Find your great Travel News and sing the songs at Free Song Lyric or you can watch the drama at Korea Drama Online one of great korea drama is A Love to Kill if you go to travel to Indonesia learn Learn Indonesia Language first! And find your home cari rumah or make a blog Belajar membuat Blog find your home again rumah dijual and again at jual rumah the point is cari rumah, jual rumah, rumah dijual, download youtube and find blog widget and then if you want buy a new laptop see the Laptop Price List or you can buy a New Blackberry and then take care your Health & Jewerly good job, very great article Cari Rumah, Jual Rumah, Rumah dijual Thanks ever so much Cari Rumah, Jual Rumah, Rumah dijual very useful article Cari Rumah, Jual Rumah, Rumah dijual Great information Cari Rumah, Jual Rumah, Rumah dijual I like your blog Cari Rumah, Jual Rumah, Rumah dijual I will be checking back for any new articles Cari Rumah, Jual Rumah, Rumah dijual just bookmarked it for later reference Cari Rumah, Jual Rumah, Rumah dijual, free scholarships, Wikilaw, eporchshop, free wallpapers, free gadgets. Thanks for kindly sharing it with us. Very well done indeed

Adi said...

Oes Tsetnoc one of the ways in which we can learn seo besides Mengembalikan Jati Diri Bangsa. By participating in the Oes Tsetnoc or Mengembalikan Jati Diri Bangsa we can improve our seo skills. To find more information about Oest Tsetnoc please visit my Oes Tsetnoc pages. And to find more information about Mengembalikan Jati Diri Bangsa please visit my Mengembalikan Jati Diri Bangsa page and other update like as Beratnya Mengembalikan Jati Diri Bangsa, Mengembalikan Jati Diri Bangsa di perpanjang and Jangan Berhenti Mengembalikan Jati Diri Bangsa. Thank you So much.

Oes Tsetnoc | Lanjutkan Mengembalikan Jati Diri Bangsa

sad said...

guoweigang When it comes to the discount pandora pieces of jewelry that you would like to pursue pandora sale are among gemstones like rubies, emeralds, and sapphires. pandora jewerly You will want to also think about discount pandora beads peal and opal as a gemstone that you would like cheap pandora beads to incorporate into the design of the jewelry new pandora beads . You will find that there are many different pandora bead designs that you could go with, but why not pandora set go with your own design?When it comes to the cheap pandora sets jewelry.

2010 Wedding Dresses said...

thanks for your sharing! great helpful!!!Thank you
Louboutin Shoes 
Christian Louboutin Shoes
Christian Louboutin Pumps 
louboutin
Christian Louboutin Boots 
Christian Louboutin Pumps
Christian Louboutin Heels 
Christian Louboutin Sandal
Pigalle Christian Louboutin 
fur boots
christian louboutin fur boots
louboutin pumps
louboutin fur boots
coyote fur boots
christian louboutin heels
silver strappy sandals
christian louboutin toundra
loubitan studded bow peep
Wedding Dress Shops
vintage wedding dresses 
wedding dresses
cheap mobile phone
Wedding Dress Shops
Wedding Dresses 2011
Wedding Dress Shops
Off the Shoulder Wedding Dresses
bridal jackets
wedding jackets
bridal jackets
halter neck wedding dresses
off the shoulder wedding dresses
vintage wedding dresses
wedding dresses with sleeves
wedding jackets for the bride