Sex and Sensibility: Quick Takes

Sex and Sensibility: Quick Takes
by Kristen Loveland

Hi to all from your Sex and Sensibility lady here. Here are a few things that caught my eye this past week:

1. The Truth About Teen Girls: Belinda Luscombe has an awesome article in Time Magazine talking about how, despite the proliferation of sexual imagery in the teenage world, maybe we shouldn't be twisting our knickers in such a knot over their alleged sexual promiscuity. To wit:

"With the pornucopia of media at teens' disposal in the past decade and a half, on cell phones and computers as well as TVs, early-adolescent sex should be having a growth spurt. But the figures don't necessarily support one. Despite a minor increase in 2006, the rate of pregnancies among teen girls has been on a downward trend since 1991. Another indicator, the incidence of sexually transmitted diseases, is alarmingly high: nearly 1 in 4 girls ages 14 to 19 and nearly 1 in 2 African-American girls, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. But this is the first year such a study has been completed, and the study doesn't separate 14-to-16-year-olds from 17-to-19-year-olds, so it's still unclear which way that trend is heading."

Keep reading this fantastic article here and thanks to Deborah for sending this to me!

2. I Am Charlotte: The Series: While on the one hand it appears that there are finally a number of voices asking us to put on the breaks for a second and contemplate what the actual sexual experiences of teenage girls are, it looks like Tom Wolfe's I Am Charlotte Simmons is going to be made into an HBO series. Charlotte Simmons the book has often been noted as over-stated and over-bearing in its condemnation of college sexuality. As the New York Magazine Book Review put it at the time:

"Wolfe’s vision of eroticism is ultimately too dark. When, in Charlotte Simmons, an older man has sex with a younger woman, it is, of course, cynical. But when a younger man has sex with a younger woman, it is equally cynical. Indeed, all the sex in Wolfe’s imagined university is rotten. All intimacy is rotten. At the end of the novel, Charlotte falls in with a new man. He comes from a very different walk of life than Charlotte does, and to all appearances he adores her. One might reasonably see this turn of events as a triumph—love conquering differences, love opening doors. But Wolfe intends for us to see it as a defeat: The man is not suited for his clever country heroine; she has forgotten, he suggests, that “she is Charlotte Simmons”; she has lost her identity."

To put it mildly, I'm not overly-optimistic about the way the series will portray yet another young woman who has lost her character to the hedonistic offerings of that Gomorrah now known as the American university.

3. The Old is New Again: And finally, on a slightly different note, Ann over at Feministing recently wrote about John LaBruzzo, a state legislator from Louisiana, who wants to pay low-income women to be sterilized. Something that is consistently overlooked in mainstream's take on what it means to be Pro-Choice is that it is just that: the choice to have or not to have a child. As a political position, it is both concerned with those woman who, for x, y, and z reason, choose not to have a child, and with those from whom the right to have a child is coercively taken away. There have been a number of studies and histories done on sterilization abuse which, particularly in 1970s America, targeted poor and minority women, and included everything from outright nonconsensual sterilizations, to unclear statements signed on the hospital bed before an abortion, to, well, something like LaBruzzo's brilliant idea. The government has no place in coercing a targeted group of women into permanent reproductive decisions.

Girl with Survey

GWPenner Elline Lipkin is trying to collect girls' responses, as well as responses from their mentors, for her forthcoming book with Seal Press on Girls Studies by October 15th. Please take the survey for girl mentors, pass it on, and pass the other survey links onto the girls in your life!"

Survey for Girls Mentors

Survey for Girls ages 6-10

Survey for Girls ages 11-18

President Barbie Is Back

This just in, via The White House Project:

Just in time for the first presidential debate, The White House Project is thrilled to announce that President Barbie is back on shelves! Exclusively at Toys R Us, this is President Barbie's third term in office since Mattel and The White House Project joined together in 2000 and 2004 to let both little girls and boys know that a woman can be President. As Marie Wilson says, "To make change, you've got to go where the people are. More and more girls think they're going to grow up to be president and call a join session of Congress because their dolls can." To give a child in your life their very own President Barbie, click here.

Have any of the mamas out there bought Prez Barbie for their girls? Would be curious to hear your thoughts!

(Tina Fey glasses sold separately.)

Sex and Sensibility: Removing the Kid Gloves

Sex and Sensibility
Sex and Sensibility is a weekly column from Kristen Loveland that seeks to put the reasoned voice of a young woman in her 20's into the "sex wars" fray. Sometime member of the "hook-up generation" and frequent skeptic of the social, cultural, and sexual messages young women receive from the religious right and national media, Kristen provides a voice for a much-discussed generation that has had little chance to speak up for itself.

Removing the Kid Gloves
by Kristen Loveland

In an article appearing in Wednesday's New York Times titled “Girl Talk Has Its Limits,” the lives of young girls are once again put under the microscope for inspection by a pack of inquisitive adults. Not content to explore the sexual landscape of Miley Cyrus, cultural scrutiny now delves into female friendships and asks whether girls really should be talking, or “co-ruminating”, with each other so much, because “[s]ome studies have found that excessive talking about problems can contribute to emotional difficulties, including anxiety and depression.”

First of all, this is old news. My roommate’s abnormal psychology textbook from 2004 notes, “It is known that rumination is likely to maintain or exacerbate depression, in part by interfering with instrumental behavior.” Notice the terms “maintain” and “exacerbate”—the depression derives not from the rumination itself but from another source.

Unsurprisingly, one of the not-so-hidden assumptions of this article is that girls have an unhealthy obsession with boys:

“I could see it starting already,” she said, adding that she has made a concerted effort recently not to dwell on her own problems with friends and to try to stop negative thoughts. “From sixth grade, it’s boys are stupid, boys have cooties,” she said. “And then it progresses to boys have cooties but 20-year-old cooties. So you might as well change it when you can."

Ah yes, the fragile female psyche. I might ask why the author wasted over 1,000 words devoted to a question bound to lead to a dead end. After all, will you ask your daughter to bottle up her worries instead? I might also ask why the author used fictional models from Heathers, Mean Girls, Sex and the City, and Gossip Girl for female friendship. Sure, I’ll admit that I talk to my girl friends—a lot. I get a feeling of distinct pleasure when I look at my cell’s phonebook, considering which of my good friends I should call next to ruminate about “so-and-so who failed to call” or “you’ll never guess who showed up last night” or “is it just me, or does she seem a bit self-centered lately?” But these exchanges have never quite reached the dramatics of a Lindsey Lohan-led cast, though they might be a lot more interesting if they did.

While I’d like to say that the article’s author clearly hasn’t seen enough Woody Allen movies, it’s true that females are more prone to clinical depression than males. Nonetheless, it seems rather facile to place 1,000 words of emphasis on co-rumination as explanation—even irresponsible as I watch the article trek up the New York Times “Most Emailed” list. Because in the end the article (note its placement in the Fashion & Style section) is simply another of those proprietary “What’s wrong with our young women?” pieces that will make the rounds of forwarded email and provide all too simplistic answers for questions that really deserve more complex consideration. What’s wrong with our young women? They talk to each other too much. What’s wrong with our young women? They’re too superficial. What’s wrong with our young women? They give away the milk for free.

While newspapers and magazines are understandably aching to draw readers in, we can’t ignore the implications of such incessant prying into young women’s lives. It’s noteworthy that so many articles focus, or place the blame, on the actions of young women themselves (friendships, sexual relations, drinking habits, college experiences, etc.), instead of on the society in which they are raised. But perhaps we aren’t so much interested in solving “the young women problem” as in lifting back the curtain to sneak a covert glance at that object of intense public fascination: the Miley Cyruses, the Britol Palins, and all the other bright young female things that seem so troubled. As one writer notes, “The modern American female is one of the most discussed, most written-about, sore subjects to come along in ages.”

The funny thing is, that was actually written back in 1957, which means the new ain’t so new. A young Nora Johnson was talking about "Sex and the College Girl" in the 50s, the era of the domesticated and constrained female, who kowtowed to the reasonable, responsible expectations of society. Yet Johnson’s description of her generation struck me as so relevant to today:

We are deadly serious in our pursuits and, I am afraid, non-adventurous in our actions. We have a compulsion to plan our lives, to take into account all possible adversities and to guard against them. We prefer not to consider the fact that human destinies are subject to amazingly ephemeral influences and that often our most rewarding experiences come about by pure chance.

Those are my italics. I emphasize that last line, because I think it is something we often forget as a society, perhaps in an effort fill the news feed, perhaps in an effort to re-corset our daughters. Depression and anxiety are, of course, conditions to be treated seriously. But efforts to analyze each and every aspect of young American women’s lives, (always premised, of course, on a concern for those young American women’s well-being), is a form of the strictest regulation, and ignores the intense wonder of unknowing and chance.

Whenever I read stories implying that we should worry about such-and-such an aspect of young women’s behavior, I picture an invalid who lives to be a hundred by lying on her sofa all day. But does she live? And is she any more psychologically sound for having been removed from experience all these years—or has her mind warped in on itself, obsessively concerned with the minutiae in life because she has never known the larger things? Shouldn’t we... wait, sorry, I had to catch myself there for a second. I’m afraid I was getting rather alarmist.

Anyway people, remove the kid gloves.

Overly Sexy Girls

Anytime Jean Kilbourne has a new book out, I pay attention. And last week, I came upon her latest while hunting for that new ProBlogger book at B&N. Kilbourne's latest is called So Sexy, So Soon: The New Sexualized Childhood and What Parents Can Do to Protect Their Kids, and it's coauthored with education professor Diane Levin.

I was waiting for someone to come out with this book. Like The Lolita Effect: The Media Sexualization of Young Girls and What We Can Do About It (note the similarity of the subtitles), the authors accuse the media of sexualizing children. No surprise there. But what does sound surprising is the extremity of the anecdotes. Here's from the Publishers Weekly review:

Constantly, American children are exposed to a barrage of sexual images in television, movies, music and the Internet. They are taught young that buying certain clothes, consuming brand-name soft drinks and owning the right possessions will make them sexy and cool—and being sexy and cool is the most important thing. Young men and women are spoon-fed images that equate sex with violence, paint women as sexually subservient to men and encourage hooking up rather than meaningful connections. The result is that kids are having sex younger and with more partners than ever before. Eating disorders and body image issues are common as early as grade school. Levin and Kilbourne stress that there is nothing wrong with a young person's natural sexual awakening, but it is wrong to allow a young person's sexuality to be hijacked by corporations who want them as customers. The authors offer advice on how parents can limit children's exposure to commercialized sex, and how parents can engage kids in constructive, age-appropriate conversation about sex and the media. One need only read the authors' anecdotes to see why this book is relevant.

Any of you parents--or girls studies experts--out there got your own advice on dealing with this phenomenon? Inquiring minds are eager to know.

GUEST POST: Vegetarianism Served up with a Side Dish of Feminism

Jessica Zalph is a student at Hunter College High School in Manhattan and will be in ninth grade this coming fall. She is a member of Writopia Lab and has won various awards in the Scholastic writing contests. As an author, Jessica usually writes short stories and poetry, but she decided to break out of character to write this “coming out” piece about vegetarianism. With a dash o’ feminism mixed in. Here’s Jessica! -GWP

October is Vegetarian Awareness Month. If only people knew about it.

“Among men [vegetarianism is] regarded as, if not a girl thing, then at least a girlie thing — an anemic regimen for sensitive souls subsisting on rabbit food and tofurkey,” says Holly Brubach in her recent New York Times article “Real Men Eat Meat.” If the male gender sees vegetarianism as a “girl thing,” then that’s got to be our hardest obstacle to overcome. Whenever compassion and eating “rabbit food” became a girl thing, it became taboo for boys, because sexism is rooted so deeply in our society that girls are seen as weaker overall. But maybe making a harder decision wouldn’t be weak at all. Maybe it’d be more macho, if that’s what you’re after, to overcome the stereotypes. Overcoming the expectations society has of you could be “manly,” no?

I’ve been a vegetarian for the fourteen years of my existence – my parents stopped eating meat four years before I was born. They were told by a number of smug acquaintances that, just wait, I would become all “teenager-y” and start eating meat once I became obsessed with fitting in and defying my parents out of spite. We’re still waiting.

Probably the reason I’ve stuck with vegetarianism and animal rights is because it’s not just an arbitrary ritual I inherited, but is based on the unfortunate reality that the thing on the plate is the same as the cute little thing on the farm. I know I must have adopted this concept at an early age, because I recall feeling appalled fury at a boy in my preschool class who took the unsuspecting snails out of their tank and stepped on them.

Most of the attitudes I’ve encountered haven’t seemed to change much over time.

“Vegetarians are stupid” is the bluntest of the accusations I’ve received – this one coming just recently in our eighth grade hallway from a guy flaunting an anti-Wendy’s flyer, sparking the debate that flares up every now and again at school. It’s only in hindsight that I realize that these heated I-wish-they-were-discussions-not-shouting-matches are generally divided by gender. Girls my age tend to be considerably more tolerant, even if they don’t adopt the practice of not eating meat themselves, because boys, in general, have macho stereotypes driven into their heads from babyhood.

The anti-Wendy’s flyer is waved tauntingly. “Meat is good,” comes the challenge, which lingers in the air. Whatever futile hope has caused me to take this bait all these years rises in me again. And so it begins. Detailed description – the cruelty the animals face, the fact that they can feel emotions and pain, even if they don’t have your intellect, thank-you-very-much. Wild rebuttal – ending with “Vegetarians are stupid,” and exasperated disappointment from me. It’s not worth it.

And yet, in a grasping-at-straws way, it is. It’s a success any time that you can make someone confront the cruelty involved in butchering animals, because getting people to face the truth is the hardest thing you can make someone do, and possibly the first step toward creating a change.

I’m not sure when vegetarianism became seen as a sign of weakness. Maybe it always has been. “It’s human nature to eat meat. The food chain and all that,” says my friend. And maybe it is human nature to eat meat, but it’s also human nature to use violence to get and keep political power, and yet many countries have incorporated democracy to overcome this problem. If we can overcome our natural tendency to physically fight for power, surely this October we can overcome the meat-eating part of our omnivore selves as well.

Chew on that.

EVENT: Very Young Girls, a Documentary

This just in, via Patti Binder: As part of the 3rd Annual New York State Day to End Commercial Sexual Exploitation of Children, Girls Education and Mentoring Services (GEMS) has reserved a limited amount of complimentary tickets for guests that are still interested in attending the screening of VERY YOUNG GIRLS. Email Makia Kambon at Makia@gems-girls to reserve one of the complimentary tickets today.

Screening of VERY YOUNG GIRLS &
Youth Leadership Panel
Friday, June 20th at 6:30pm

6:30pm: Hear directly from the members of GEMS as they discuss their leadership role in the movement to end CSEC. All attendees will receive a copy of GEMS White Paper on Youth Leadership in the Movement to End Commercial Sexual Exploitation, funded generously by the Ms. Foundation.

7:30pm: Attend a special screening of the SHOWTIME/Swinging T documentary VERY YOUNG GIRLS. This documentary highlights the experiences of the girls that GEMS serves. This compelling film provides an opportunity to hear the girls' tell their own stories in their own words. Co-sponsored by the Fordham Institute for Women and Girls.

Tickets for Screening**:$25 General Admission
$10 Students/ Non-Profits

Click here to RSVP and purchase tickets online.

And Speaking of Girls...

Claire Mysko, who I know from her great work at Girls Inc, is about to release her first book, which is quite adorably called You're Amazing: A No-Pressure Guide to Being Your Best Self. A bit of pre-publication buzz:

"A great tool to help tween girls prepare for and overcome school drama, friend drama, and even a bit of body drama!" --Nancy Redd, New York Times bestselling author of Body Drama

"It is both a revelation and a revolution!" --Courtney Macavinta, founder of RespectRx.com and co-author of Respect: A Girl's Guide to Dealing When Your Line is Crossed

A bit of background: Throughout her teens Claire starved herself and binged and purged while devouring the picture-perfect fantasies in the pages of magazines. She got help and went on to be the director of the American Anorexia Bulimia Association. Along with model Magali Amadei, who became the first top model to tell her story on behalf of an eating disorders organization, Claire founded an educational program called Inside Beauty. For the last decade, the two have worked together to give girls and women a beauty reality check. And Claire has had quite an impact at Girls Inc of course as well.

And now, Claire's got her own book. Claire Mysko, YOU'RE amazing. More about her oeuvre here.

Boys v. Girls

While headlines continue to duke it out over whether pink is the new blue, the current issue of The Women's Review of Books features "The Boys Against the Girls," which reviews Playing with the Boys: Why Separate is Not Equal in Sports, by Eileen McDonagh and Laura Pappano and Equal Play: Title IX and Social Change, edited by Nancy Hogshead-Makar and Andrew Zimbalist. Worth checking out.

Girls, Girls, Girls

A CFP to share - but hurry. The deadline is June 12!

The 18th Annual Women's Studies Conference
"Girls' Culture & Girls' Studies: Surviving, Reviving, Celebrating Girlhood"

To be held on the campus of Southern Connecticut State University Friday and Saturday, October 17 and 18, 2008

The 18th Annual Women's Studies Conference at Southern Connecticut State University explores girlhood. What does it mean to be a girl? Who defines girlhood in an age when puberty and sexualization are happening at younger ages? How do girls assert their own identity in an increasingly medicated and consumerist culture which targets girls as a prime audience? Why are U.S. girls preoccupied with perfection? What challenges do girls across races, classes, religions, nations, and cultures face in an ever more globalized world? What is the relationship between girls and feminism? What effect can feminism have on constructions of boyhood and masculinity and how in turn can this affect girls?

In the 18th annual SCSU Women's Studies conference, we will take a close look at girls' culture and girls' studies, among the most vibrant areas in women's studies. The Conference Committee invites individuals, groups, scholars, feminists, activists, girls and all to submit proposals that address topics related to all aspects of girlhood.

More info available here.

Plus Ca Change, Plus C'est La Meme Chose?

It's always interesting to me how classic feminist "issues" transmit from one generation to the next. A new study by University of California Santa Cruz professor Campbell Leaper and others finds that 90 percent of girls between ages 12 and 18 report experiencing sexual harassment. The most commonly report forms of harassment are unwanted romantic attention, demeaning gender-related comments, teasing based on appearance, and unwanted physical contact. The difference, according to researchers, is that there's more awareness of the impropriety of such behaviors. The study acknowledges that girls who have a better understanding of feminism from media, parents or teachers are more likely to recognize sexual harassment. But as reported in Bizwomen, "What the study didn’t say is what they did about it."

Running for Their Lives

On the heels of yesterday's post about progressives using video and YouTube to publicize causes comes a new video from the Girls Gotta Run Foundation--an org that supports girls in Ethiopia by supporting their atheletism. Research finds that girls who train to run over there are more likely to stay in school. Girls who stay in school are better able to improve their own lives and the lives of their families. The athletic shoes necessary for professional training and competition are expensive and out of reach for most of them. So a group of artists and others who care organized to raise money to buy shoes for the girls. You can check out the video here.

Little Little Girls Gone Wild

University of Iowa journalism professor M. Gigi Durham has a debut book out called The Lolita Effect: The Media Sexualization of Young Girls and What We Can Do About It. And it's about time. If I see one more ad for Beyonce's clothing line featuring tarted up toddlers working it, I'm going to scream.

Here's word on the book from Publisher's Weekly:

We've all seen it--the tiny T-shirts with sexually suggestive slogans, the four-year-old gyrating to a Britney Spears song, the young boy shooting prostitutes in his video game--and...Durham has had enough. In her debut book, she argues that the media--from advertisements to Seventeen magazine--are circulating damaging myths that distort, undermine and restrict girls' sexual progress. Durham, who describes herself as "pro-girl" and "pro-media," does more than criticize profit-driven media, recognizing as part of the problem Americans' contradictory willingness to view sexualized ad images but not to talk about sex. Chapters expose five media myths: that by flaunting her "hotness" a little girl is acting powerfully; that Barbie has the ideal body; that children--especially little girls--are sexy; that violence against women is sexy; and that girls must learn what boys want, but not vice versa. After debunking each myth, Durham offers practical suggestions for overcoming these falsehoods, including sample questions for parents and children. In a well-written and well-researched book, she exposes a troubling phenomenon and calls readers to action.

May this book--and its message--travel far and wide. For Salon's review, click here.

Girls Write Always

Girls Write Now, my #1 favorite organization to get girls writing, is holding its Spring Reading at the Tribeca Barnes and Noble on June 8. Join me there? For more on what this amazing org is up to, check out their spring newsletter. (And if you share my love for this org and are feeling generous, donate here!)

Wha Boy Crisis?

In case you missed the article by Tamar Lewin in this weekend's NYTimes, here's the newsflash: Girls’ Gains Have Not Cost Boys. It's amazing to me that we need a report to prove this. But kudos to the researchers over at the American Association of University Women who pulled it together. Maybe now the boy-crisis warriors can finally cool down.

In 1992, you may recall, the AAUW released a landmark report on how girls are shortchanged in the classroom, causing a national debate over gender equity. Then came the Christina Hoff Sommers of the world, arguing that efforts to help girls have come at boys' expense. Echoing research released two years ago by the American Council on Education and other groups, the new report says that while girls have for years graduated from high school and college at a higher rate than boys, the largest disparities in educational achievement are not between boys and girls, but between those of different races, ethnicities and income levels.

The AAUW report looks at many indicators of educational achievement, including dropout and disciplinary rates. It analyzes data from SAT and ACT college entrance exams and the National Assessment of Education Progress, known as the nation's report card, as well as federal statistics about college attendance, earned degrees and other measures of achievement. Researchers concluded that:

-- A literacy gap in favor of girls is not new, nor is it increasing. Over the past three decades, the reading gap favoring girls on NAEP has narrowed or stayed the same. Nine-year-old boys scored higher than ever on the reading assessment in 2004; scores for 13- and 17-year-old boys were higher or not much different from scores in the 1970s. A gender gap still exists favoring boys in math, especially among 17-year-olds on the NAEP.
-- The percentages of students scoring at higher levels of proficiency on the NAEP are rising for both boys and girls.
-- Students from lower-income families -- families with incomes of $37,000 or less -- are less likely to be proficient in math and reading. Gender differences vary significantly by race and ethnicity.
-- There is virtually no gap between boys and girls entering college immediately after high school.

AAUW's study does show female students outperforming male students in some measures. Women have earned 57 percent of bachelor's degrees since 1982 and outperformed boys on high school grade-point averages. In 2005, male students had a GPA of 2.86 and girls, 3.09.

From 1978 to 2004, among students age 13 and 17, white males scored higher on average than white females on 10 of 18 tests. For Hispanic students, 13- and 17-year-old males outscored females on three of the 18 tests. There was no gap among African American girls and boys.

Check out coverage in the Washington Post as well (No Crisis For Boys In Schools, Study Says: Academic Success Linked to Income).

Yes, boys are in trouble. But up with girls does not mean down with boys. Copy that? Let's hope this new study might put that silly argument to rest.

Last Night's Ladies Write Now Event...

...which I sadly could not make sounded awesome. Basically, GWN mentors came together with teaching artists from Teachers & Writers Collaborative for Ladies Night, an evening of readings. Readers included GWN mentors Grace Bastidas, Mary Roma, and Erica Silberman, plus teaching artists Nicole Callihan and Sheila Maldonado. For upcoming events from these folks, check out the GWN calendar, here.

EVENT: Condi and Other Powerhouses to Speak at Girls School

This just in:

The Castilleja School, the 100-year-old middle and high school for girls in Palo Alto, is bringing globally recognized business, scholars, and national political leaders to its campus for a symposium on “Power,” on Saturday, May 3rd. Secretary of State, Condoleeza Rice; President and CEO of Hewlett-Packard, Mark Hurd; Former Clinton Economic Advisor, Laura Tyson; Princeton’s Dean of its Woodrow Wilson School of Public and International Affairs, Anne-Marie Slaughter, will be among other distinguished speakers presenting and discussing their views of leadership and power shifts in the 21st Century.

For more info, contact Dana Sundblad, 650-740-7748, Dana_Sundblad@Castilleja.org

(Thanks to Jolie for the heads up!)

Fresh Talk about Sex

It's amazing to me how little research exists on teenage and young adult sexuality in contrast to all the hot media air the topic seems to inspire. At this weekend's Council on Contemporary Families Conference in Chicago, I had a chance to listen in as journalists and sex researchers shared their latest thinking on hook ups, the orgasm gap, and girls gone wild.

Hook ups, argued Deb Tolman, founder of the Center for Research on Gender and Sexuality at San Francisco State and a scholar of adolescent sexuality, follow a rather male model of sexual behavior. Friends-with-benefits do not a "relationship" make, and hookups are supposed to occur without those nasty little things called "feelings" getting the way. How did that model get so broadly accepted as ok?, Tolman wanted to know. She added that the question of what "good sex" means is still up for grabs. Who decides? Is it always about orgasms? Kids need adults to talk openly about sexual pleasure in concrete terms.

But back to hookups. At the same time that hookups are part of kids' sexual landscape, they are not the landscape in its entirety. Tolman reminded the crowd that the recent emphasis on hooking up overlooks the fact that coupledom still exists. Couples just ain't sexy news. Pepper Schwartz later noted that relationships during adolescence were NEVER easy. So if we're saying hookups are bad, what are we comparing them to? Young people today get more intimacy from each other than in days of yore. And perhaps that's not such a bad thing after all.

Tolman feels strongly that the topic of teen sexuality has been reductively portrayed, fueled by moral panic. Laura Sessions Stepp, author of Unhooked, bypassed this (veiled?) critique of her recent work, concentrating instead on the downsides of hooking up. "Young women say they don't have time for relationships, so they play at relationships -- faux ones, aka hook ups -- while they're busy getting everything else done," said Stepp.

And then came the larger frame. Stanford researcher Paula England commented that we've had a sexual revolution without much of a gender revolution in the bedroom. The focus in sex is still, often, male pleasure (orgasm gap being alive and well) and there's a double standard about women initiating both dates and sex. Compare this to the gender revolution we've made in the realms of jobs and education. With sex, we're still a bit in the dark ages.

England drew on findings from the College Social Life Study, which gathered quantitative data from students at Stanford and Indiana and qualitative data from an online study. According to the numbers, hookups do NOT threaten relationships. It's true that most hookups don't lead to relationships, but it's also true that most relationships are preceded by hookups. When asked if they want to marry someday, under 2% of young women and men said NO; 98% said YES.

As the panel reached its close, my crew--late 30something/early 40something academic women--whispered conspiratorily amongst ourselves. "And what about hook ups in your 30s?" we asked, directed at nobody in particular. After all, hook ups are how many of us grown ups begin our long-term relationships these days. And I'm here to say hook ups ain't all bad. Heck, I'm marrying mine!

For more on the CCF conference, see coverage in Saturday's USA Today and Chicago Tribune.

Vroom Vroom....

Rushing off to catch a plane, but some quick news tidbits to share before I go, courtesy of Rebekah S:


Girl racers in USA Today: They thrive in the vast proving ground of the hugely popular sport of auto racing, where girls learn to drive by the age of 5 and go from zero to 80 by the age of 12. The vehicles they are racing are go-karts, not cars, but they are driving nonetheless. For them, the phrase "woman driver" is not another era's term of derision. It's simply the job title they covet.

40+ women in NY Times: Interview with some boldface names about their new Internet company, Women on the Web, or wowOwow.com. The site, a dishy, uncensored, freewheeling version of The View is their effort to create an online forum for women over 40 interested in smart discussions. (Oh my gosh - that's almost me)

FMLA in Washington Post: This year marks the 15th anniversary of the landmark Family and Medical Leave Act, which made it possible for many workers to take unpaid job-protected time off to care for their newborn children or sick relatives. But instead of celebrating, workers' rights advocates and the Bush administration are battling over what would be the most sweeping revisions ever to the law.

Variety: GLAAD Media Awards reality TV nominees - Gay Characters Just Another Slice Of Life

New at New Moon

This just in, from my friends at New Moon:

25 Girls Nominate Themselves As Most Beautiful...Just They Way They Are.

Eighty percent of 10-year-old American girls diet. The number one magic wish for young girls age 11-17 is to be thinner. (justthink.org) Studies show that reading "teen magazines" and having exposure to thin models creates lower self esteem, body dissatisfaction, decreased confidence and potential eating disorder symptoms in young girls (mediafamily.org)

By age 13, approximately 53% of American girls are "unhappy with their bodies". This number will increase to 78% once girls reach 17 years of age. (National Institute on Media and the Family)

In the May/June 2008 25 Beautiful Girls issue of New Moon, the magazine puts a new twist on the annual theme by asking girls to nominate themselves as beautiful girls. The magazine entitled Toot Your Own Horn, features twenty-five girls from around the country who wrote essays explaining what makes them beautiful. The issue brings together compelling evidence of the ability for girls to see themselves for who they really are...and find it beautiful. Nominations for the 2009 "25 Beautiful Girls" issue are due by September 15, 2008. For more information visit, www.newmoonmagazine.org.

And BTW, New Moon is sweeping up awards. The mag recently received the 2008 Parents' Choice Gold Award for best children's magazine and has garnered nine Parent's Choice Foundation Awards, five Educational Press Association of America Design and Editorial Awards, a National Association for Multicultural Education award, a Folio Award and the Association of Educational Publishers prestigious Golden Lamp Award in 2006.